A paranoid flower

KVEN0015584404

▶︎  These Days by The Black Keys

It’s a Tuesday and Tuesdays are always great for self-reflection. Actually, any time when you see something you think you’re not supposed to is a good time for self-reflection.

We often tell ourselves stories for extra courage. The good ‘ol “fake it ’til you make it” didn’t become a saying because it was untrue. It really is the secret of life. (Nobody knows what they’re doing, so you’ll blend right in.) I catch myself sometimes; I bare myself whole in front of the people I love, not worrying about the consequences when the time comes that all of this might disappear. I know it’s not productive, but productivity is the least of our concerns right now. It’s the anxiety, the feeling of wanting to throw up every time you think that you might just be a road block that’s stopping everyone from getting to their finish lines. That my act of love might actually be the reason why they are not living the lives they’re supposed to be living.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower said that we only accept the love we think we deserve. On one of my many drives home, I realized: I don’t think I love myself enough for me to let go and not be so hung up about other people’s feelings. I’m still waiting for that time when I’m selfish enough to think of myself first. Until then, I’ll be here, a paranoid flower.

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